The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
