I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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