I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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