So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
