its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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