FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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