What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
