I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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