Will you blow on my dice?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's shark week go big or go home
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
