a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
