I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
