am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
