Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
