I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize