you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize