fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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