Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
