I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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