we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
