I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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