Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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