I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
