party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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