Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
