dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
