if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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