if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
