I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
