Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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