Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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