New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
