I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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