This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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