After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
