So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
