I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Randomize
