a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
