you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
