Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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