me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
