Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
