MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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