Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
