the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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