Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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