I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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