i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
