I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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