Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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