just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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