finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
