you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize