i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
