I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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