I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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