ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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