We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to calm my uterus...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
