I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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